In this article, I will be examining how to handle rejection with women. I will be considering what rejection is; recognising that it is simply a feeling inside of our body. In acknowledging that it is only a feeling, we can then work on how to overcome it.
Also included here:
- The three types of rejection and the strategies for each (that work)
- Powerful ways to channel the feeling of rejection (and cancel it out)
- Ways to develop a more bulletproof mindset (for life)
If we can overcome rejection or the fear of rejection from women, we have the ability to transform our dating confidence and our outlook on life.
Don’t let rejection hold you back in your dating and in life. For help in this area book onto our next dating confidence course. Watch reviews from our clients on YouTube here: Dating confidence course for men reviews:
How do you respond to a rejection from a woman?
There are different ways to respond to a rejection from a woman. To start we need to understand what type of rejection has taken place as there are three categories.
Firstly, there is the short sharp rejection when we first approach a girl. Secondly, there is the medium-term rejection where we have invested a lot of our time and we do not get our desired dating outcome. Finally, there is the longer-term rejection of dating someone for a prolonged period of time where the relationship ends because of the woman’s choice.
I will share a funny story from one of my dating confidence courses as it gives context to that feeling of rejection and highlights its fleeting nature. About five years ago I was in central London helping one of my clients overcome his fear of approaching women. There was an attractive girl and he asked me to demonstrate something. So I approached her and said:
“I noticed that you are wearing a really nice outfit and I just wanted to pay you a compliment.”
As she turned around, I could plainly see she was about eight months pregnant and she answered:
“Oh, thanks very much. This is my fiance and all of his family.”
Use humour
As you could imagine a strong hit of embarrassment mixed with rejection came over me. Still, at moments like this, it is important to recognise that this feeling of rejection is merely a feeling; no more and no less.
In that particular scenario, what I did to overcome this feeling was simply to laugh. I mean it was a funny situation! In acknowledging this and, moreover, in being able to laugh at something you take the pain away. Therefore the first thing to remember about a short term rejection is if you can laugh about it on the spot, it will help you feel better.
For anyone who wants to learn more about how to approach women in their day-to-day lives, take a look at my infographic below. This accompanies my daygame article which I suggest reading if you want to gain an understanding of the fundamentals.
How to handle short-term rejection from women?
In addition to using humour, there are two other ways that will help you handle short-term rejection from women. One of them is power posing and the other is using affirmations.
Power posing is when you physically pull a power pose with your body. What this does is send signals of success to your mind, which takes away the feeling of rejection because it is more powerful. Think of it as generating the same feeling as winning a hundred metres sprint at the Olympics.
Power posing and affirmations
Accordingly, if you find yourself receiving an instant rejection from a girl and you are feeling bad about it, pull an immediate power pose. This power pose is more empowering than the rejection that you are feeling. It will help dispel it straight away.
The other way to help handle rejection from women you have approached is with an affirmation. An affirmation or mantra is a powerful phrase that you repeat to yourself to instil confidence and recentre you.
So remember the following:
- Power posing as being for your body
- Affirmations as being for your mind
It can be all too easy to look down at the ground, feel shame or embarrassment when you experience rejection from someone. An affirmation helps you to control your thought process and stop negativity from spiralling. Anything that you can say to yourself at that moment is going to help neutralise this.
Gain experience
In my dating training courses, we ask several things such as: what would the one person you respect in the world say to you at this moment? That can offer you a personal mantra to keep and say to yourself when you need it. It is also a great help to my clients to know that they have my support on hand to provide a buffer to any rejection, and to build up their confidence each time an approach is made until they feel more comfortable.
So to sum up using the following will help you diminish the feeling of being instantly rejected:
- Using humour
- Power poses
- Affirmations or mantras
Furthermore, power poses and affirmations can be used in advance of approaching women to help reduce anxiety. This is not to be overlooked as attaining the optimal state before making an approach helps guarantee success.
For anyone who wants a better idea of where the best places are to practice approaching and meeting women during the day, then read my best places to meet women article. A snapshot of the key points is included in the following infographic:
How to respond to medium-term rejection from women?
It can be harder to accept rejection from a woman that you have invested more time and emotional energy in, which brings me on to how to handle medium-term rejections from women.
We can define a medium-term rejection as when you first met a girl, you invest perhaps three to seven hours into your interaction with her. However, after that time if you don’t get the dating outcome that you want, it can generate a strong feeling of rejection.
It is easy to think the following:
- Why am I bothering?
- I’m wasting my time
- I didn’t get anything back from it
These are thoughts that most single guys have when they are actively meeting women and trying to find a partner. Crucially, there are a few things that you can do that will help you take control of how you feel. One of these tools is Stoic philosophy.
Use Stoic principles
Stoic philosophy can have a huge impact on your ability to handle rejection from women. This teaches that we can only control our thoughts and our actions. Everything else is outside of our control. So for example, we may have spent seven hours invested with this girl and we might later find out that she is religious or has a partner. In essence, our dating agenda is different from hers, meaning there is an incompatibility that cannot be ignored.
At this stage, it is easy to feel cast down. However, remember that her dating agenda or beliefs are completely outside of our control. The important detail is to make sure that your focus is only on what is inside of your control. Accordingly, a useful takeaway from this situation would be to say to yourself: “I will ask that question sooner next time to invest less time.”
It does not benefit you to focus on the fact that you may have spent five hours talking to a girl before learning that she was in a relationship. What you should do here is take the learning lesson and, importantly, change your thoughts and your actions for the next time around.
Learn and adapt
In short, you cannot go back in time. Yet, what you can do is write out and say: “Okay, this is what happened. This is what I did right and this is what I will do to improve in the future.”
Incorporating this Stoic philosophy principle into your dating interactions will:
- Make you feel better straight away
- Have consideration for only what is inside your control
- Ensure you take any learning lessons into your future interactions
Moreover, adopting this mindset helpfully moves you more onto screening people in your day-to-day life. Because if you are going to invest seven hours with someone, then you want to make sure that time is a good investment for you.
From the outset, you should weigh up the terms of when to let someone into your life. Because if you are someone who is too agreeable and too easily allows someone to monopolise your time without good reason then it becomes an issue.
Time-management
To ensure that you have a similar dating agenda to a girl it is worth asking pertinent questions early on in the interaction.
You want to establish whether:
- You are both compatible
- She is in a relationship or not
- You would like to invest more time with her
Crucially, if you invest half an hour with someone, that feeling of rejection is going to be a lot less than if you have given seven to ten hours only to find out the same information. Remember that your time is valuable and you cannot get it back. Therefore have a personal boundary and do not give too much of it away for free.
On this note, my infographic below outlines the behaviour and traits of attractive men. You can see that attractive men value their time and they do not give it up so freely. To find out more on each of these nine traits that will make you more attractive to women read my corresponding dating tips for men article.
How to handle the longer-term rejection from women?
Longer-term rejections are a different type of feeling because you have invested a lot into the relationship. With the involvement of longer-term feelings, it can feel like you have lost a great deal. As a result, the power posing, the affirmations, and putting boundaries in place may not be enough. They are not quite as powerful when you are dealing with that longer-term rejection.
Still, there are a few things that you can do. Firstly, it helps to take into account that the feeling of rejection is just a feeling. Furthermore, rejection is an energy source you can tap into and exploit to propel you to better your life.
This capacity to channel rejection and knock-backs in life has underpinned some of the greatest literature that has ever been written. Similarly, some of the greatest art that has ever been painted has come from individuals who have gone through very difficult times; who have been able to channel that feeling, that energy, to serve them and use it to be more creative.
Channel rejection
Likewise, you can use it to set new goals; as an opportunity to look at your life and say: “Okay, let’s draw a line. Where do I go from here?”
Creative self-expression is a helpful remedy to handle these more deep-rooted rejections. In effect, you are taking that feeling of pain and using it to develop yourself. Examples include:
- Taking a pen out and paper and writing out how you are feeling
- Getting out of your comfort zone and taking up a new interest
- Making the decision to take your life in a new direction
There is always something good to be found in any bad event that happens in your life. It is simply a case of how to find it.
Develop resilience
The better you become at dealing with setbacks and rejections in your life, the quicker you bounce back. Similarly, the more mental fortitude you are going to create, the more attractive you are going to become as a man.
The person that embodies this mentality is someone who is not afraid to go up and speak to women he finds attractive. If it does not work out, he simply repeats an affirmation to himself: “Well done for taking a risk,” and then he lets it go. If this man speaks to another girl, perhaps they even end up dating one another. Crucially, however, if it does not work out, he has the insight to think: “You know what? I’ve learned a lot from that, and next time I will go about it differently.”
You have all of these tools at your disposal to use to help you approach and meet new women in your own life. And if you would like further support, I can help you, as our courses cover all aspects of how to approach and connect with women as the image below outlines. To find out more then visit our live training page and see our range of courses.
Summary
- How to handle short-term rejection from women. Using humour and having a laugh helps to diminish the feeling of rejection. Power poses and affirmations also help instil confidence, control your thought process and re-centre you.
- How to handle medium-term rejection from women. Adopting Stoic principles helps you move past rejection. These include acknowledging what is inside your control and letting go of what is outside of it, as well as placing a value on your time.
- How to handle longer-term rejection from women. Channel that feeling of rejection into bettering your life and creatively self-expressing.
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